Category: war machine


Tony: This is horrible. This is the most humiliating thing to ever happen to me…

Rhodey: Even more humiliating than-

Tony: Let’s not do this.


Rhodey: It’s time to do what you do best, Tones.

Tony: Get on people’s nerves?

Rhodey: Exactly!


Rhodey: Tony! Be careful.

Tony: Well, you know me, Platypus.

Rhodey: Sure do.

Rhodey: So be careful.


Tony: You actually care about me?

Rhodey: Of course I do, you dumbass bitch.


Rhodey: [officiating at Tony and Stephen’s wedding] I have watched your childish rivalry turn grow into a childish courtship, and now I am proud to witness that childish courtship blossom into what will undoubtedly be a childish marriage.


[Tony bursts in, obviously drunk]

Tony: Yo- hooo!

Rhodey: Where the hell’ve you been?

Tony: Ty and I just crashed an embassy party.

Rhodey: Are you drunk?!

Tony: Noooo! [comes closer and whispers] I’m lying. I am so drunk.


Rhodey: Tony! Come over here!

[Tony walks over, head hanging in shame]

Rhodey: Look me in the eye. Did you sleep with Bucky Barnes?

Tony: A little.

Rhodey: Tony!

Tony: Clint made me do it!

Rhodey: Don’t you have a mind of your own? If someone told you to drink the whole liquor cabinet would you?

Tony: Ok, who blabbed?!


Tony: Have I got things to tell you!

Rhodey: What happened?

Tony: I’m engaged.

Rhodey: Congratulations. Who’s the lucky girl?

Tony: [panicked] I am!


Rhodey: How’s dating two men going?

Tony: Umm, kinda hit a bump. When I was honest and told Bucky he wasn’t the only person I was seeing, it went great. So I tried the same thing with Steve.

Rhodey: And?

Tony: He had mixed feelings. But when I said “Bucky was cool with it,

Bucky’s the best, why can’t you be more like

Bucky?”, those feelings became less mixed.