Category: tony stark

Regular

Tony: At my funeral, there’s going to be a closed casket, and then it’ll be open to reveal that I’m not inside. Instead, they’ll turn on the ceiling fan and my lifeless body will swing around the room while the Space Jam theme song is playing.

[later]

Tony: Never mind. Pepper says I can’t do that.

Regular

Tony: Shut up, Quill.

Quill: …Okay.

Stephen: Shut up, Quill.

Tony: Hey no one tells him to shut up but me!

Regular

Tony: I can’t wait for the day I finally just, stop.

[later]

Tony: I have been informed that this is called “death”.

Regular

Scott: [asks a question]

Tony: Lang, I have never heard so much stupidity come out of someone’s mouth. My last two brain cells are struggling to stay alive in an attempt to make sense of the nonsense that you willingly spoke. Stop.

Regular

Tony: Did it hurt?

Loki: Did what hurt?

Tony: When you broke through the earth’s crust, ascending from hell.

Regular

Regular

Stephen: How high were you?

Tony: I stared at myself in the mirror for ten minutes so I could see myself blink. Obviously, I missed it every time. I was annoyed. That’s how high I was.

Regular

Bruce: Why did you do it?

Tony: You’re going to have to be more specific.

Regular

Regular

Tony: Ow!

Steve: [concerned] What happened?

Tony: Oh, I just fell for you so hard it hurt.

Steve: But you didn’t actually fall, you’re still standing.

Tony: [falls dramatically]