Category: stark-raving-hazelnut

Regular

Tony: The moon is really beautiful tonight.

Bucky: It really is.

Steve: Should we tell them that’s just a tortilla you threw at the window?

Natasha: ..No.

Regular

Steve: I need the computer.

Tony: Steve, there are, like, dozens of computers.

Steve: Yeah, but my email is in this one.

Regular

Tony: So you’re not going to get revenge today?

T’Challa: No, Stark, I’m not.

Tony: OK, got it. [slyly] Then I won’t bring your credit card… which I cut into a ninja star!

T’Challa: Oh, you cut my credit card?

Tony: Into a ninja star!

Regular

[Tony pours himself a drink]

Steve: Tony, don’t you think you’ve had enough?

Tony: Of you.

Regular

 [reporter asking about Steve and Tony’s relationship]

Reporter: Is there any particular reason you don’t wish to discuss your marriage?

Steve: Don’t see that it’s any of your business, is all. We’re very private people.

Tony: The legs! [laughs] Oh yeah, definitely have to say it was his legs. You can put that down. His legs, and right where his legs… meet his back. Tha— actually, that whole area. That, and… and above it.

Regular

Steve: I am back with the Avengers and Tony is in charge but we’re married so it’s kosher and awesome. We live together…

Tony: … and work together.

Steve: And we’re so…

Steve and Tony: in sync.

Tony: That we finish each others…

Steve: Sentences! We rehearsed that at home. Naked in bed. 

[Steve and Tony high five each other.]

Regular

Tony: Are you a cuddler?

Bucky: I AM A MACHINE OF DEATH AND DESTRUC—yeah I’m a cuddler.

Regular

Tony: Just be yourself. Say something nice.

Loki: Which one? I can’t do both. 

Regular

Tony: I’m sorry, Steve. He wins. I can’t resist him.

Steve: Tony, you have to.

Loki: Stay out of this! This is our relationship. He’s my man and we have something twisted and beautiful. Oh… you want Tony. That’s what this is all about.

Steve: No, that’s insane…. fine, I had one dream, but no, no.

Regular

[spotting Loki]

Rhodey: Check it out… green leather,  black, greasy hair. 11:00. What d’you think?

Tony: [looking at Loki] Yummy!…

Rhodey: That’s what I thought. Case closed. Steve, move in. Tony thinks he’s hot.

Tony: What do you mean?

Rhodey: You always fall for the bad guy.