Category: spider son

Regular

Tony: [drops something] …When will death take me?

Peter: [googling “how to tell if someone has depression”]

Regular

Peter: Hey, Mr. Stark? Should we get our fortunes read?

Tony: I’ll pass… Knowing the present is bad enough.

Regular

Peter: I know you’ll say the exact right thing to make me feel better.

Tony: … There. There.

Peter: You are so wise.

Regular

Peter: Mr. Barnes, how do I ask someone out?

Bucky: Well, first you-

Tony: No, don’t ask him. He asked me out in the loo.

Peter: And you said yes?

Regular

[The Avengers, Spider Man, and Loki are all watching The Lion King together]

Tony: [pauses the film on Scar]

Tony: [while pointing at the screen and looking Loki dead in the eye] That’s you.

Peter: Ohmygodhe’sright!

Regular

Tony: Be careful son.

Peter: You called me son! No take backs!

Regular

Peter: That’s it. Dad’s cheating. 

Harley: On Strange? How can he possibly do any better? 

Peter: No, I mean on this game. No one ever beats me. 

Harley: Keep playing games with dad, and no one ever will. 

Regular

Peter: [after Tony is introduced to him] Tony Stark? The Iron Man? I’m Peter, your biggest fan!

[pause]

Peter: You’re smaller than I thought.

Tony: Umm…

Peter: But that’s okay!

Regular

Tony: Petey, hide the key!

Peter: [throws the key out the window]

Tony:

Peter, where’d you put the key?

Peter: Out the window.

Tony: … You threw it out the window?! We need that key!

Regular

Tony: Are you drunk?!

Peter: Is drunk when your body is a marshmallow and your head feels like a bowling ball?