Category: original: write-it-motherfuckers

Steve: Quick! You have to hide me!

Natasha: What? Why? What’s wrong?

Steve: I jokingly told Tony that I don’t believe in oxygen. Now he’s on the war path! Please….hide me.

Tony: I’m gonna do it.

Bruce: Please don’t.

Tony: I’m doing it.

Bruce: Oh god.

Steve: [looking at the gift Tony bought for Clint and Laura] I don’t think this is what they meant when they told us to surprise them.

Tony: Well then they should have been clearer.

Bucky: There are easier ways of doing this, you know?

Tony: Yeah, but none of them are quite as fun, are they?

Steve: People like you, are the reason I swear.

Tony: …Understandable.

Steve: Wait, you are involved in this!?!

Tony: You’ve known me for far too long to be as surprised by this news as you are.

Steve: …Why are you smiling like that?

Tony: Because it’s pissing them off.

Tony: You’ve gone awfully quiet, was I getting too annoying complaining about what they did? I can stop if you’d like.

Bucky: Mm, no no….I’m just plotting their murder is all. Continue.

Bucky: …Who did this to you?

Tony: Promise me that if I tell you, you wont go after them.

Tony: I think I missed a step or misread something in this recipe book.

Stephen: Why’s that?

Tony: Because I’m pretty sure my soup isn’t meant to be screaming.

Stephen: Wait… Where did you find this book?

Tony: In your library.