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Regular

Tony: Stephen’s out of town, so I’m going to cut the sleeves off my shirts.

Bruce: Why would you do that?

Tony: He’s basically 98% percent of my impulse control.

Regular

Tony: [drops something] …When will death take me?

Peter: [googling “how to tell if someone has depression”]

Regular

Bucky: You know what I really like in Tony?

Sam: No. What?

Bucky: My fingers.

Sam: [chokes]

Regular

Bucky: Doll, do the thing!

Tony: [genuinely smiles]

Bucky: [breathless] Oh my God…

Regular

Clint: You know what? I’m covering everything in pumpkin spice. Pumpkin spiced everything.

Tony: Do you really want to do that?

Clint: Pumpkin spiced latte. Pumpkin spice oatmeal. Pumpkin spiced chocolate.

Tony:

You’re going to make yourself sick.

Clint:

Pumpkin spiced Tony.

Tony:

Wait, what?

Clint: Pumpkin spiced chips.

Tony:

Did you say, “pumpkin spiced Tony”?

Clint:

Pumpkin spiced pumpkin.

Tony:

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Regular

Tony: At my funeral, there’s going to be a closed casket, and then it’ll be open to reveal that I’m not inside. Instead, they’ll turn on the ceiling fan and my lifeless body will swing around the room while the Space Jam theme song is playing.

[later]

Tony: Never mind. Pepper says I can’t do that.

Regular

Tony: Shut up, Quill.

Quill: …Okay.

Stephen: Shut up, Quill.

Tony: Hey no one tells him to shut up but me!

Regular

Tony: I can’t wait for the day I finally just, stop.

[later]

Tony: I have been informed that this is called “death”.

Regular

Scott: [asks a question]

Tony: Lang, I have never heard so much stupidity come out of someone’s mouth. My last two brain cells are struggling to stay alive in an attempt to make sense of the nonsense that you willingly spoke. Stop.

Regular

Tony: Did it hurt?

Loki: Did what hurt?

Tony: When you broke through the earth’s crust, ascending from hell.