Category: original: the big bang theory

incorrecttonyxeveryonequotes:

Steve: I do romantic things for you all the time. Can you even name one romantic thing you’ve done for me?

Tony: I can name tons!

Steve: Sex doesn’t count.

Tony: Damn it!

Bucky: Tony, do you have plans for dinner tonight?

Tony: You guys going somewhere?

Bucky: No, I mean, just you and me.

Tony: Like a date?

Bucky: Not like a date, a date.

Non-power AU

Tony: [Steve is singing “L’Chaim” at the bar] I can’t believe it! What got into him?

Natasha: Oh, maybe a couple of virgin Cuba Libres that turned out to be kinda slutty.

Tony: You didn’t.

Natasha: Hey, you do your experiments, I do mine.

Natasha: Can you focus on what we’re talking about?

Tony: All right. Look, now, this may be the rum talking, but as long as the unpinning rate of the vortices is kept within 1.1 and 1.3, the Magnus force issue should be negligible.

Scott: Even drunk, he’s still smarter than all of us.

Natasha: [looking at her phone] Oh, it’s Clint. He says Steve’s drunk and they’re gonna do karaoke if we want to join them.

Natasha: That sounds fun.

Tony: Oh, no. Steve’s drunk texting me.

Bruce: What’s it say?

Tony: "Would you like to sing karaoke with us.“

Bruce: How is that a drunk text?

Tony: He used a period instead of a question mark. He’s so wasted.

Bucky: You know what? I don’t have to stand here and take this crap.

Tony: Where the hell do you think you’re going?

Bucky: Isn’t sex after fighting kind of what we do now?

Tony: Well, kind of, yeah.

Steve: Come on. Let’s get you to bed. You’ve had a lot to drink.

Tony: No more than Thor.

Steve: That’s what I’m saying.

Rhodey: How’s dating two men going?

Tony: Umm, kinda hit a bump. When I was honest and told Bucky he wasn’t the only person I was seeing, it went great. So I tried the same thing with Steve.

Rhodey: And?

Tony: He had mixed feelings. But when I said “Bucky was cool with it,

Bucky’s the best, why can’t you be more like

Bucky?”, those feelings became less mixed.

Rhodey: [urging Bucky to get back together with Tony] Please, please, please don’t give up on him!

Bucky: What?

Rhodey: I can’t go back to the model idiots, the white rappers, and all those sweaty dumb-asses with their backwards hats.

Bucky: I don’t know if it’s in the cards, sir.

Rhodey: Then stack the deck! Cheat! Lie! I don’t care!

Steve: So, tell me about your day, how’s it going with the particle detector?

Tony: Wow, you remember that?

Steve: Yeah, I listen to what you say. You’re building a particle detector using superfluid helium.

Tony: You know, when you talk like that, I want to take you right here on this table.

Steve: And you know from past experience this table cannot support both our weight. So, how’s the detector going?