Category: original: parks and rec

Regular

Tony: I’m sorry, Steve. He wins. I can’t resist him.

Steve: Tony, you have to.

Loki: Stay out of this! This is our relationship. He’s my man and we have something twisted and beautiful. Oh… you want Tony. That’s what this is all about.

Steve: No, that’s insane…. fine, I had one dream, but no, no.

Pepper and Rhodey are in charge of Tony's…

Pepper and Rhodey are in charge of Tony's future suitors. Wanna an in with Tony? You must impress his number one girl and number one guy first.

Rhodey: I just want you to know that I used to think there was no man or woman on this world good enough for Tony…
Suitor: Aw!
Rhodey: …And I still think that.

Regular

Hammer: How much did you pay for this?

Tony: Irrelevant. I would pay any amount of money to properly shame you.

Conversation

Clint: It’s nice to see you again!
Tony: … Are you talking to my butt?
Clint: Yes.

I love him so much, but I think I’m going to d…

I love him so much, but I think I’m going to draw a mustache on his face…

Conversation

Tony: From now on, we will be using codenames. You can address me as Eagle 1.
Tony: Steve is “Been There, Done That”.
Tony: Bucky is “Currently Doing That”.
Tony: T’Challa is “It Happened Once in a Dream”.
Tony: Natasha code name is “If I Had To Pick a Girl”.
Tony: Sam is “Eagle Two”.
Sam: Oh thank God.

Regular

Tony: I could get killed. Or even worse, Cap could give me a lecture on responsibility again.

Regular

Tony: Clint, what do you think?
Clint: I think you should get a Hello Kitty tattoo.
Tony: No, I mean, what do you think about the tower?
Clint: Oh, I think you should burn the whole building down to get insurance money.

Regular

Steve: That’s what you wanted. Me, Buck and Nat in the same room at the same time.
Tony: I can’t believe you guys! We’re all together in the same room! This room! Honestly, I don’t think I could be any happier right now!
Bucky: Wanna bet?
Bruce: [appearing from around corner and smiling] Hi!
Tony:

[crying] Oh, Bruce is here!
Tony: [shoving Natasha, Steve and Bucky aside and running to him] Brucie!

Regular

Tony: I’ve only slept nine hours over the past four days, so I’m right on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
[bites into his cellphone]
Tony: … This isn’t a bagel.