Category: iron dad and spider son

Regular

[The Avengers, Spider Man, and Loki are all watching The Lion King together]

Tony: [pauses the film on Scar]

Tony: [while pointing at the screen and looking Loki dead in the eye] That’s you.

Peter: Ohmygodhe’sright!

Regular

[Tony and Steve are talking over the phone]

Tony: How are you gonna get the Avengers back together, Mr. Hot Rodder? Those FBI agents have your name, your address…

Steve: They don’t have my address. I falsified my renewal. I put down 1060 West Addison.

Tony: 1060 West Addison? That’s Wrigley Field!

Regular

Tony: Be careful son.

Peter: You called me son! No take backs!

Regular

Peter: That’s it. Dad’s cheating. 

Harley: On Strange? How can he possibly do any better? 

Peter: No, I mean on this game. No one ever beats me. 

Harley: Keep playing games with dad, and no one ever will. 

Regular

Peter: [after Tony is introduced to him] Tony Stark? The Iron Man? I’m Peter, your biggest fan!

[pause]

Peter: You’re smaller than I thought.

Tony: Umm…

Peter: But that’s okay!

Regular

Tony: Petey, hide the key!

Peter: [throws the key out the window]

Tony:

Peter, where’d you put the key?

Peter: Out the window.

Tony: … You threw it out the window?! We need that key!

Regular

Tony: Are you drunk?!

Peter: Is drunk when your body is a marshmallow and your head feels like a bowling ball?

Regular

Peter: You know you’re not my mother, right?

Tony: You stop acting like my child, I’ll stop acting like your mother.

Regular

Tony: [while hugging Harley & Peter] I don’t care what they broke, don’t you dare yell at my little marshmallows!