Category: incorrect tony stark

Tony: Wow, your hands are so big.

Bucky: You know what else is big?

Tony: …What?

Bucky: My love for you.

Tony: … Well, that was better than I expected.

Steve: [sighing exasperated] What am I going to do with you?

Tony: Ideally? Fuck me at some point. 

Tony: I have a plan.

Bucky: It can’t involve self-sacrifice.

Tony: I no longer have a plan.

Tony: I can take you to the movies, if you’re allowed.

Steve: If I’m allowed?

Tony: Yeah, you’re not usually allowed to take snacks in.

Steve: [not understanding] I’m sure we can buy some snacks when we get there.

Tony: [facepalms]

Tony: What are you doing?

Peter: [spreading toothpaste on toast] I’m multitasking.

Rhodey: You’re annoying.

Tony: But you love me.

Rhodey: Doesn’t make you any less annoying.

Natasha: Hey Tony, nice top.

Tony: Oh this old thing? Thanks.

Steve: I have a name.

Natasha: What?

Tony: What?

Steve: … Uh…

Tony: [doing anything]

Tony: …

Tony: I want coffee.

Tony: So, what are your goals?

Clint: I’ve been banned from every major city’s public transportation system except Melbourne, Australia. I don’t know what their limit is but I will fucking find it.

Bucky: What’s for dessert?

Tony: [mindlessly answering] My ass.

Bucky: Okay.

Tony: Wait, what?