Category: incorrect tony stark

Regular

Tony: For someone with such an intense need to be liked, you’d think I would have figured out how to be less of an asshole when talking to people.

Regular

Tony: My daily objective is less about goal achievement and more about regret management.

Regular

Tony: It’s cute how I used to think this “barely-holding-it-together” feeling was temporary.

Regular

Tony: You know you’re hungover when you brush your teeth with your sunglasses on.

Regular

Tony: If I were a woman, how would you all react?

Strange: Probably like that guy from Hunchback of Notre Dame when he saw the hot chick doing bad ass stuff…

Everyone: Agreed.

Regular

Tony: Whoa. What’s with the cast?

Fury: I sprained my wrist.

Steve: Oh, no! What happened?

Fury: Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.

Tony: Yeah! Geez, Steve. Back off. Leave the guy alone. [Fury walks out of earshot] All right, huddle up, everybody. Bring it in, bring it in! So he wouldn’t say what happened, which can only mean one thing-

Thor: He’s in a fight club!

Tony: No. He did it doing something he’s embarrassed by, like smiling. Only question is, how do you hurt your arm smiling?

Fury: Attention, everyone, I can hear you speculating about the nature and origin of my injury from my office. I tripped over an uneven sidewalk. I did not think it was relevant to your jobs, the jobs which you should all be doing right now. Get to work.

*later*

Fury: Do you wanna know how I actually hurt my wrist?

Tony: Yes.

Fury: I was hula-hooping. [shows Tony a picture on his phone] Maria and I attend a class for fitness and for fun. I’ve mastered all the moves. The pizza toss The tornado The scorpion, the oopsie doodle.

Tony: [gasps] Why are you telling me this?

Fury: Because no one will ever believe you. [deletes picture and walks away laughing darkly]

Regular

Tony: Joking about it is the only way to open my mouth without screaming.

Regular

Tony: [on the phone] Sorry, I can’t talk. I’m in hero mode.