Category: incorrect dad tony


Peter: Mr. Barnes, how do I ask someone out?

Bucky: Well, first you-

Tony: No, don’t ask him. He asked me out in the loo.

Peter: And you said yes?



Groot: I am Groot

Peter Parker: I know, you just said that! *Getting frustrated*

Groot: I…am…Groot

Peter Parker: *sighs* okay, fine I’ll play along, I am Peter Parker-Stark

Tony Stark: wait, what did you just say, kid?

Peter Parker: *in darth Vader voice* I am your son


Consider: Tony introducing Harley to Bucky and…

Consider: Tony introducing Harley to Bucky and Harley geeking out over Bucky’s arm and then outright asking when Bucky and Tony are going to get married and adopt him so he can always work on the arm

harley: hey tony can i ask you something
tony: yeah sure what’s up?
harley: when are you marrying bucky
tony: wHat
harley: you’re into him right like are you together
tony: uhhhhh we aRe no t i’m. what. it’s not. what.
harley: you didn’t deny you’re into him. you should totally marry him, i think it’d be really great.
tony: are you saying this bc you care about my happiness or bc you want access to his metal arm
harley: yes



Peter: Boy I could sure go for a cold one.

Tony: A cold “what”?

Peter: Uhhhhhhh…..lemonade?

Tony: Nice try kid, but no alcohol until you’re 18.

Pepper: I thought the legal drinking age was 21.

Tony: ……Well no one told me that.



[The Avengers, Spider Man, and Loki are all watching The Lion King together]

Tony: [pauses the film on Scar]

Tony: [while pointing at the screen and looking Loki dead in the eye] That’s you.

Peter: Ohmygodhe’sright!


Tony: Be careful son.

Peter: You called me son! No take backs!



Child: Hey, dad?

Tony: Yes, son?

Child: What’s an orgasm?

Tony, looking directly at Steve: I don’t know. I never had one.

Steve: D:<




Rhodey: If you had to choose between a dinner & dancing date with Steve, a movie & making out date with Bucky, and a staying in & sex date with Quill, which one would you choose?

Tony:…Working on college applications with Peter Parker. Specifically, for MIT.

Rhodey: What?

Tony: It’s true, Rhodey. You see, I’ve discovered something… I am a Superhero-Father-figure first, and a Superhero-Lovemachine second.

For some reason this is really cute…


Peter: That’s it. Dad’s cheating. 

Harley: On Strange? How can he possibly do any better? 

Peter: No, I mean on this game. No one ever beats me. 

Harley: Keep playing games with dad, and no one ever will. 


Peter: [after Tony is introduced to him] Tony Stark? The Iron Man? I’m Peter, your biggest fan!


Peter: You’re smaller than I thought.

Tony: Umm…

Peter: But that’s okay!