Category: incorrect avengers

Regular

Clint: I’m the most responsible Avenger.

Tony: You literally just set the kitchen on fire.

Clint: Yes, and I take responsibility for that.

Regular

stebetoeknee:

wintersoldierland:

au avengers + bucky watching endgame as a movie and absolutely shitting all over it. sam and bucky just stare at steve in horrified confusion.

“what the fuck steve?”

“its not me! i’d never just fuck off to the past like that, come one guys”

“tony, aren’t you like, a genius? couldn’t you just use, i dunno, one of the stones?”

“i swear to god barnes, shut up or i’ll make you”

“kinky”

“clint, where in the hell did your family come from???”

“no idea mate, it’s like magic”

“where is my wonderful brother loki in this whole mess?”

“oh, he died after attacking thanos with a butter knife”

what”

“WHY DID TONY DIE, WHAT THE FUCK, HASN’T HE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH?!”

“bucky, put the gun down”

“fight me, old man.”

nat: is no one gonna talk about how i yeeted myself off a cliff :/

clint: we should have brought steve and pushed him off for leaving everyone like that

steve: i bREATHED

Commentary we all needed.

Regular

im-tops-bottom:

Sam: Tony won’t ride with you

Bucky: are you kidding me? He’d ride anything

Tony: *walking pass Bucky* ain’t riding that dick though *grabs his coffee and walks back out*

Bucky: oh just you wait Tony. Just you wait *follows after Tony*

Clint: *nudges Sam* $100 and my special bow and arrow set says Bucky ain’t getting lucky tonight

Sam: nope. I ain’t taking a bet that we all know what the outcome is

Nat: then why don’t we make a bet on how it ends. $100 says Tony is just gonna tell him to get laid because it’s not gonna happen

Steve: $100 says Bucky comes back after the gala with a black eye

Clint: oooh Captain old-timer has come to play. Okay $100 says they say absolutely nothing except that they returned home in separate vehicles

Sam: okay okay $100 says that only Bucky returns home. Tony has had enough of his bullshit that he leaves with Hammer tonight

Everyone: *gasps*

Bruce: that’s just cruel. $100 says they return home amd Bucky is still going at it

T’Challa: if Bucky knew what was good for him then $100 says that he gives in because once Thor and Loki returns, Loki is going to kick Bucky’s ass for even flirting with his favorite genius

Tony: *standing behind everyone smirking with his arms crossed* if anyone knew what was good for them *chuckles as everyone yelps* then they’ll know I belong to no one. No matter how much mr sneaky snake and winters tale fight over it. Pepper wanted to let you guys know she’s bringing over a massive feast before the gala *turns around* oh and one more thing! *Tilts his head back* pepper says $100 says Bucky might just get lucky tonight

Everyone: *watches Tony leave again, hips swaying"

-a moment of silence-

Everyone: *chaos*

Like always, Pepper wins.

Regular

Steve: [sighs dreamily]

Sam: What’s got Steve so happy?

Natasha: Last night Tony got so drunk he couldn’t recognize Steve. Steve tried to take his shirt off to get him changed but Tony slapped his hand away and said: “Stop! I’m married!”.

Regular

[Peter auditions to be an Avenger]
Tony: Could you excuse us for just one second?
[they make a circle]
Tony: He’s pretty good. Can’t we take him?
Steve: What do you expect us to say? He’s standing right there. 
[Peter smiles and waves at them]
Clint: You know,it’s always good to have an extra body, just in case one of usgets kidnapped for ransom, is thrown into a shipping container and is made to eat only leaves and gas receipts.
Natasha: I agree.

Regular

Bruce: Name something that makes you sad.
Natasha: That Judi Dench has never won the Oscar for Best Actress. It’s a travesty.
Clint: That ‘N Sync broke up.
Tony: Yeah. That was rough on all of us.
Thor: [to Steve] Who’s ‘N Sync?