Category: incorrect avengers

Tony: Wow, your hands are so big.

Bucky: You know what else is big?

Tony: …What?

Bucky: My love for you.

Tony: … Well, that was better than I expected.

Steve: [sighing exasperated] What am I going to do with you?

Tony: Ideally? Fuck me at some point. 

Tony: I have a plan.

Bucky: It can’t involve self-sacrifice.

Tony: I no longer have a plan.

Tony: I can take you to the movies, if you’re allowed.

Steve: If I’m allowed?

Tony: Yeah, you’re not usually allowed to take snacks in.

Steve: [not understanding] I’m sure we can buy some snacks when we get there.

Tony: [facepalms]

Tony: What are you doing?

Peter: [spreading toothpaste on toast] I’m multitasking.

Rhodey: You’re annoying.

Tony: But you love me.

Rhodey: Doesn’t make you any less annoying.

Natasha: Hey Tony, nice top.

Tony: Oh this old thing? Thanks.

Steve: I have a name.

Natasha: What?

Tony: What?

Steve: … Uh…

Tony: [doing anything]

Tony: …

Tony: I want coffee.

Tony: So, what are your goals?

Clint: I’ve been banned from every major city’s public transportation system except Melbourne, Australia. I don’t know what their limit is but I will fucking find it.


Maria: I spoke with Howard. He’s quite perturbed you’re still languishing in Massachusetts with this Barnes fellow.

Tony: What?

Maria: I know he wasn’t the most demonstrative, but he is quite proud of your achievements at MIT, and he’d imagined that once you had graduated, you’d return to SI. Perhaps even show a little gratitude.

Tony: Early onset dimentia is so sad.