Category: captain america

Regular

Tony: I was thinking about what you said, you know, about the whole sex thing. It’s probably not a good idea to go down that road again.

Steve: Thank you. I’m glad you agree.

Tony:

It’s a shame, though. When we did it, it was pretty good.

Steve: Yeah. Yeah, that’s true.

Tony:

Hey, do you remember that one really great time?

Steve:

Uh, yeah!

Tony:

It was your birthday…

Steve:

It was Valentine’s Day…

Both: Oh, yeah!

Regular

Tony: We want a lawn and a swing set.

Steve: And a street where our kids can ride their bikes and maybe an ice cream truck can go by.

Clint: So you want to buy a house in the 50’s?

Regular

Tony: Hey, guys, check it out. Pepper sent me the paper.

Natasha: Let’s see it.

Clint: Oh, yeah, that looks good.

Natasha: You make a very attractive couple.

Tony: Yeah, we look great together.

Bucky: We really do.

Steve: Okay.

Tony: Imagine what our kids would look like.

Bucky: We don’t have to imagine.

Steve: I’m marrying him.

Bucky: We’ll see.

Regular

Steve: Do you at least have a plan?


Tony:
Uh… how about try not to get killed?

Regular

Tony: If I were a woman, how would you all react?

Strange: Probably like that guy from Hunchback of Notre Dame when he saw the hot chick doing bad ass stuff…

Everyone: Agreed.

Regular

Tony:

And how exactly will you stop me?

Steve: I’ll call Miss Potts.

Tony: … Goddamnit.

Regular

[Natasha is stabbing the air between Steve and Tony]

Steve: What are you doing?

Natasha: Trying to cut the sexual tension between you two. Unfortunately, it isn’t working.

Regular

Tony: I want you to take me to art museums and make out with me.

Steve: But they said not to touch the masterpieces.

Regular

Steve: Tony, I’m very disappointed in you.

Tony: Your approval means nothing to me.

Regular

Tony: Whoa. What’s with the cast?

Fury: I sprained my wrist.

Steve: Oh, no! What happened?

Fury: Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.

Tony: Yeah! Geez, Steve. Back off. Leave the guy alone. [Fury walks out of earshot] All right, huddle up, everybody. Bring it in, bring it in! So he wouldn’t say what happened, which can only mean one thing-

Thor: He’s in a fight club!

Tony: No. He did it doing something he’s embarrassed by, like smiling. Only question is, how do you hurt your arm smiling?

Fury: Attention, everyone, I can hear you speculating about the nature and origin of my injury from my office. I tripped over an uneven sidewalk. I did not think it was relevant to your jobs, the jobs which you should all be doing right now. Get to work.

*later*

Fury: Do you wanna know how I actually hurt my wrist?

Tony: Yes.

Fury: I was hula-hooping. [shows Tony a picture on his phone] Maria and I attend a class for fitness and for fun. I’ve mastered all the moves. The pizza toss The tornado The scorpion, the oopsie doodle.

Tony: [gasps] Why are you telling me this?

Fury: Because no one will ever believe you. [deletes picture and walks away laughing darkly]