Author: Tony x happiness

Regular

Clint: I’m the most responsible Avenger.

Tony: You literally just set the kitchen on fire.

Clint: Yes, and I take responsibility for that.

Regular

Pepper: I try getting her to say “mama” for a year and nothing, but Tony says “fuck” just once and Morgan won’t stop repeating it.

Tony: You just lack my natural charisma.

Regular

Tony: I promised Steve we wouldn’t do anything stupid.

Clint: Why would you lie to your husband like that?

Regular

Steve: Gather around, we have a problem.

Tony: What? The fire?

Steve: No, the- wait, there’s a fire?

Tony: Never mind, this sounds more interesting.

juizyya:am i a joke to you? Tiny Snark

juizyya:

am i a joke to you?

Tiny Snark

Regular

Bucky: Tony’s ass aka the only pillow I need.

Regular

monobuu:

Tony: I’m running background checks on all the male residents.

Steve: Good. Check wider in New Mexico for similar crimes.

Tony: Wish you, command me. I shall call you the moment I have anything to contribute or an overwhelming desire to speak to my beautiful Bucky Barnes, whichever comes first.

Steve: Lemme guess who’ll win that race.

Tony: Mm-hmm, and you’d be right.

Aww

Regular

starkravinghazelnuts:

Tony: [is dying] pepper…. pepper i’m dy–

Pepper: i think the fuck not

Tony: [instantly recovers 100%] you’re right i’m dumb lol my bad 

XD

Regular

Tony: An Iron Man emoji? That’s it. I’m speaking to a copyright lawyer today.

Regular

Tony: That was Pete’s school calling. Apparently, he’s been using some very creative language today.

Loki: Oh. Do tell.

Tony: Well, he called his math homework a “cluster duck” and his teacher a “mother flunker.”

LLoki: Did he not call anyone a “sock sucker”? What? It’s just someone who sucks socks.

Tony: I can’t believe you’re teaching my son loophole swear words.

Loki: In my defense, “mother flunker” was entirely the little deviant’s creation. And very clever of him, I might add.